In October, we wrote a post about how online overdose is harmful to our family.  We tried our best to explain why we disconnected. Unfortunately,  we found that our actions had some unintended consequences.  We are truly saddened and disappointed by the reactions from some of our friends. We have learned a lot about the people in our lives from this “unfriending” process.

If we have hurt you in some way by “unfriending” on Facebook, for what it is worth, please accept our sincere apologies. Honestly, the important thing to us is not about being friends on an online social network, but that you, whoever you are, are our friend in person.  And for us, it is really about doing what’s best for us as a family.

We still feel strongly about our decision and we don’t regret it. Frankly, when I see videos like these (below) they make me cry big and hate myself because I know that I am guilty of these actions where people around me (i.e., my family) “disappeared.”  In the long-run, I know deep down that there could be far more damaging consequences. I cannot take that lightly.

The following news clip is outdated for sure (as FB has over 750 million users), but the main points are still

pertinent.

Two days ago, we received an email from a family we met in Luang Prabang in Feb., 2011. They proved to me that even though we probably could have been FB friends along the way (we’ve not been), they have made sincere effort to stay connected with us. They sent us a holiday e-card,  a family picture from the Great Wall of China. I don’t take that lightly. Thanks to the family from Kunming, China whom we met during our short jaunt to Laos for staying connected with us.

Just today, as I was surfing on the web, I discovered this post on 35 gifts your children will never forget and the quote at the top of the post struck me hard. The gift list serves as an excellent guide for parents, though #32 and #33 in particular resonated with me.  A good reminder to me that my husband and my daughter need me, my time and effort to truly stay connected to them, just like I need them to do the same.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran

A few months ago I met a talented artist named Lili during an art exhibition at Sangdee Gallery.  I’ve seen Lili’s name pop up here and there as well as her art work in Chiang Mai.  Most recently I discovered this website and I send Lili my respect for her time and talent she shares, thereby connecting with underprivileged children. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how we might be able to collaborate and connect in the coming year.

And the other day, I came upon this blog full of humility and humanity, reminding me of how short and fragile life truly is and that in the bigger picture of being connected, I know deep down I would rather be connecting with loved ones and friends in person whenever possible.  I haven’t met Randy in person though I have noticed his presence at one of our favorite local cafes in Chiang Mai for which he humbly raised money as his birthday wish.   To Randy, I send my deepest respect.

I’ll be returning home in less than a month and I know being on-line is the least of my worries and certainly not at all a priority while I am there. My priority will be spending time and connecting with family I’ve not seen in over three years.  My priority will be on making an effort to help my daughter understand many things about my home and why I worked so hard to have the life we have today to raise her in an Asian country. We’ve lived in Chiang Mai for over a year and this will be our first time returning home, M’s first time to see where her Mommy was born and raised for 12 years.  And that I do not take lightly.

It’s December 22 in Thailand, 3 days before Christmas as I sit in bed trying to recover from a bad, bad cold and not a worry about wrapping one gift.  Frankly, I agree with this quote wholeheartedly!  “The gifts that will bring your heart lasting joy aren’t laying under your Christmas tree” via becoming minimalist. .And speaking of gifts, do try to remember those who truly need a holiday gift.

As I ponder and look back on 2011, I have very few regrets on the way we’ve lived our lives.  We’re not perfect.  We’ve made our share of mistakes and learned.  There’s always room for learning and growing in our lives.  To be honest, we still have a lot of work to do on disconnecting regularly, to be more present so we can be connected to each other.  It’s a juggle.  It’s a struggle.

We’re proud and thankful we’ve had our chance of being decent human beings, making decent contributions to humanity with humility in 2011.

And the work must go on.  The challenge is to remain faithful to the service work we came to do here in Thailand, which require some online time, and to retain balance by giving our time to each other as a family.

With that we move forward to 2012.

Here’s one of my favorite videos this year.  I share it as a gift to you.   We wish everyone a happy holiday season filled with wonderful experiences and memories.

“May the people around you today are blessed by you.Just by your eyes, and your smiles. By your touch. Just by your presence.  Let the gratefulness overflow into blessings all around you.”

We’ve been very busy living mindfully, laughing much and counting our blessings, often.  It’s difficult to limit ourselves giving thanks on just one day of the year because honestly, it really ought to be every day.

Just in the past week, we drove to Mae Sai, the most northern tip of Thailand for the nth time and explored (combined with a visa run of course!).  On the way back, we went looking for a giant tree and we found it. We also hiked 1400m to see the Khunkhorn waterfall 19km from the White temple in Chiang Rai. We decided to skip the temple this time and went on a waterfall hunt..

Later in the week, M participated in the Assembly for the second time where acting and dancing were involved surrounded by her friends at her school. She walked like an Egyptian and so did her friends.

She helped me raise funds and awareness about two local community based organizations and this coffee shop at her school’s community garage sale. It will be our second time this year.

We felt privileged, as we do on a daily basis, to be included in the celebrations of the Shan New Year for the second time since our arrival to Chiang Mai in June of 2010. We listened to Shan music and saw elegant dances and ate delicious Shan food.

M attended her first balloon festival  this week.  Extraordinary in the eyes of an 8 year-old child while adults might easily say “oh, it’s just another festival!”

As we slowly made our way in amazement, to the alms offering ceremony at 6:30am, we reminded ourselves of how fortunate we are in the midst of 12,600 monks from all over Thailand, in a sea of humanity (equally significant as those we participated in Luang Prabang when she was seven and those we will soon participate when we return home),

As of yesterday, 27th November 2011, M reunited with her grandparents (my parents) here in Chiang Mai after living here for 18 months.

All in the same week, we received the most heart-warming message from one of her uncles (my youngest brother) who returned home to Burma after thirty-one years.  He was only three, I was twelve and my other brother was eleven when we left.  I’ve been told that my father had less than $50 to his name and bravely lead all five of us to the land of the free, the land of opportunities.  And opportunities we did have. Thirty one years later, just look at all of us!   I proudly admit that my parents did the most with the little they had to raise us to become kind-hearted global citizens.   And frankly, the world can always use a few more of those.

And soon we will reunite with my extended family members and M will visit her mommy’s home country for the very first time.

This week, I find myself listening to this video often.  Thanks to my brother, in a faraway land in which many of us cannot fathom surviving, who shared it on Facebook.

Message to M:  “May we recognize that the simple things in life are the most extraordinary.” Via Paulo Coelho  Dear M: love that most things you do are the most extraordinary things for you, the greatest things you’ve experienced for you at that moment while you are doing, experiencing them. 

It’s been hectic, I won’t deny it.  Moving into a “new” place needing various minor and major projects and coordinating them, living out of suitcases while all of our belongings spread about with no sense of order in the home can all be at times stressful. Dealing with reliable and unreliable workers, the realtor, home owner, shop owners as well as some language barriers can all be overwhelming as well. We’ve had very little time for anything else.   So much is going on that J struggles with his projects while I do with mine having no desk or chair or time to work within our new dig.   Because by the time we think we are ready for our projects, we’re exhausted from dealing with so many other matters. I’ve had many migraines and sleepless nights while laying in bed physically and mentally exhausted (the horrible cement of a bed doesn’t help much either).  Last few months have been tough for all of us. Oh, we’ve also discovered mosquitoes of unusual sizes and bugs of all kinds around here. But that’s a small matter I guess considering all  the other issues. I suppose we need more geckos.  And yes, we’re adjusting from having a one-bedroom tiny apartment to now having three floors.

Oh and top of all this, our visas expire in less than a week.

The Silver Lining:

M has plenty of Thai neighbor kids to play with. One of them is a kid in her class.  She is enjoying more playdates now than ever before in Thailand.  She may even have a sleepover soo, now that there is an extra bed in M’s room.

I know that slowly, our home will come together the way we envisioned it to be and slowly able to serve as a place for English tutoring center.

In less than a month, my parents will be here and we have space to accommodate them. And for the first time, my parents will reunite with us and stay with us in Asia, in Thailand and a possible jaunt to Burma, together. That’s a big deal for me and my family because it will be M’s first time to Burma.

It’s comforting to know my youngest brother will be with my parents in Burma for the first time in 30+ years. I’m proud of my little brother for making that giant leap.  And soon, he may even visit us here in Thailand.

My other brother has been here with us for almost 2 weeks now.  We’ve been busy with many visits to restaurants enjoying delicious northern Thai food and all the places to see and experience in Chiang Mai and Northern Thailand.  Even though, on some days, we’re just enjoying good food and company (not necessarily visiting a significant attraction in Thailand), it’s still time well spent.  Now, I just hope he comes back to visit us again soon and he’s not even left us yet.

Today is the famous Lanna Lantern Ceremony or festival or Yee Peng in Chiang Mai and I feel especially grateful that I will get to experience this festival for the second time in my life with my little family!  My brother will be here to enjoy this wonderful, once in a lifetime spiritual experience with us.

I’m thankful that I woke up this morning with my heart still beating inside my chest. I’m thankful that I have a roof over my head while many in the South are struggling to hold   on to theirs.  I’m thankful we have access to food and water as many parts of the world do not have the luxury.  I’m thankful for the friends who chose to keep our company. I’m thankful that though a small family we are, that we have each other, can rely on one another, and that we are together physically.  I’m thankful I have my vision and a sense of wonder to be able to appreciate the sights, the smells, the sounds and the surroundings of the Lantern ceremony for yet another time.  I’m thankful that we will have another year of living and serving here in Chiang Mai.

To everyone, our friends we will see, friends we won’t see, travelers, expats and local friends visiting the ceremony tonight- I wish you a safe journey to the meditation center.  Most importantly, I wish for you a day and night filled with joy and peacefulness that I felt at the last year’s ceremony and that I know and look forward to feeling again surrounded by my little family.

Wow.  What a busy week it’s been.

Last Sunday (8th October, 2011),  we signed another one-year lease with a new place (a house) close to M’s school.  We’re excited about the possibilities that the space will bring for our goals of having a tutoring center, being closer to M’s school and friends, having a view of Doi Suthep, space for family visits, and allowing us to have gatherings with friends for delicious homemade food.

Monday: we went shopping for groceries and appliances.

Tuesday: A went on a field trip with M’s class (20+ kiddos) as a parent chaperone to the King’s farm while J stayed home to catch-up on work,

That’s a bunch of 8 yo’s learning how to prep the soil before planting rice.  They basically got to become one with the mud!  They learned about sustainability and being economically self-sufficient (I don’t think some of them can even pronounce those words, but it was pretty cool still!).   They learned how to make paper, pottery, plant rice and most importantly, they got to ride on a buffalo.  What a cool field trip, eh?

Wednesday: we went hunting for appliances and paint.  Finding appliances was they easy part, but finding paint and supplies was a bit more challenging and adventurous.  So exciting-  DIY in Chiang Mai. We actually bought a fridge, a washer, and a gas cook-top for less than $400. Eeek!

Thursday: was parent-teacher conference day with M’s teachers. She’s doing very well in school according to Ms. Carol  M’s Thai has improved significantly this year thanks to Ms. Jane, her Thai teacher.

More about M:  For Halloween, the entire Year 4 class is prepping to scare the secondary high school students and they are using only recyclable items to decorate their classroom for Halloween celebrations.   This is a serious assignment and M’s has been planning all week. She is also the story-teller and the writer (Scribe is how she refers to the role) for Year 4  Assembly in November.

We’ve been unplugged since Thursday evening.  This weekend is a special weekend in away that we get to experience a little bit of Hollywood.  The last 3 days have been exciting and exhausting at the same time for our family. 

No matter how this turns out, we are thankful for the opportunity and experience working with a group of nice people from diverse backgrounds and different parts of the world. A lot more on this later. 

Friday:  we met up with a group of friends at Akha Ama for brunch and we are thankful once again that they are a part of our journey here in Thailand.

Saturday:  Another busy day with a visit to our new home, Wat Suan Dok, and Chiang Mai Food Festival.

Today, Sunday,  is another special day in several ways.  Last day of our mini-Hollywood-experience, but more importantly, we greet the first family member at the Chiang Mai airport visiting us in Thailand. Yee Peng 2011 will be that much more special with my brother’s presence here in Chiang Mai.

We are super excited for his arrival.

Message to M:  We begin another chapter of our lives at our new home in Chiang Mai.  Looking forward to creating a new space just for you in our new place.  Many play dates await.

Our epiphany as individuals and as parents has been brewing for some time now – and we finally sat down (offline) and talked about it.  Since we work & volunteer online, use and consume social media, have blogs, etc., we’ve become horrible at unplugging when necessary. No structure.  No boundaries.  Constantly connected, staring at glowing screens, large and small.

The same social media tools that brought so many interesting new people into our lives, are the same tools that are in effect taking time away from family.  Our digital life has been interfering with our analog life, so we needed to refocus on what’s (and who’s) important & make certain we don’t neglect those priorities.

It’s not you.  It’s us!

Many people were ‘un-friended’ (what a horrible word, eh?) from our individual FB accounts, close to 200 between both accounts, but we’re NOT trying to literally lose friends we’ve made in recent years through social media. In other words, it is not an act of war.  Especially the travel bloggers (you know who you are), we are following your pages via our page. 

We realize that the “FB unfriending” thing is NOT the most popular decision.  People’s feelings may have been hurt and perhaps even some misunderstandings.  Truth is, we still want to keep our friendships and association, but, preferably, in-person. Our decision was based on what’s best for our family.

If you find yourself in Chiang Mai (intentionally or otherwise), and see us on the streets, please don’t throw rotten fruit at us.  Please don’t take ‘un-friending’ (really don’t like this word) literally, as there are other means of communication that still exist. Also, neither one of us has ever intentionally ‘blocked’ anyone (only spammers as well as  rude & disrespectful people) on our FB accounts.

We like the fact that we can still maintain FB friendships via groups and pages on FB.

FB has been a real struggle for A in the recent months and reduced her individual FB contacts merely as an attempt to restore her sanity.  It was not an easy process by any means. She is focusing more on her role as a Mother to M and her responsibilities (nearly all online) managing 6 FB pages, 2 FB groups, 5 Twitter accounts and 2 Sparked.com accounts, in addition to assisting with fundraising for one organization, recruiting volunteers for others and raising awareness for these real and important needs.

It is a fact that we are not hosting meet-ups here in Chiang Mai as we did last year.  We are still very much open to meeting existing and new friends in person for delicious food and a good time. Honest!

Here’s one way to look at all  this:  10 years from now, what will matter more? That we made an effort to remain friends in-person whenever possible despite the “unfriended status on FB” or that we remain” unfriended”  in person also?  How will we come out on the other side?  Only time will tell.

It’s sad, but true.  We’ve become undisciplined by not placing limits on our time online, thereby not giving M and ourselves the quality face-to -ace time we need.  We need to unplug and pay attention to the real people around us.

This weekend we managed to stay unplugged long enough to enjoy Chiang Mai, such as spending time at markets, indoor playground with M’s Korean friends, test driving bicycles and keyboards for M, shopping for appliances for the future house, and spent this afternoon at the park, feeding the pigeons.

We (just now) decided NOT to add a photo or cute video of M being mobbed by pigeons, because it will keep us plugged in longer, which means we’re likely to browse FB, tweet a bit, read up on G+ and Google Reader, check email (but not respond because too much is going on) — and it’s 10:30pm on a Sunday night, and we’d like to put away J’s laptop by 11:00pm, so we can get enough rest to take care of important things on Monday.

A few ways to stay connected with us and we sincerely hope that you do:

GotPassport (at) Gmail.com

Our FB Page

Our G+ Page

Photo Credit: CMSWire.com

Message to M: We are sorry for keeping one eye on our glowing screens, and one eye on you, when we should be unplugged, to give you our undivided attention.

I am THANKFUL I woke up to this powerful video today.  I look forward to watching it with my daughter, often.

Enjoy!

Message to M: Today is given to you, it’s a gift. Be Thankful for today.

Our 12 month rental contract will expire at the end of October at our current apartment.  That’s why we’ve been quite busy spending much of our time in recent weeks hunting for a house to rent.  Wow, we’ve been living in Thailand for 15 months now and absolutely no regrets.

Although we’ve preached about the benefits of downsizing from our 3 story town home in Houston, we have come to terms with the realization that we needed a house, for a few important reasons.

For one, it is our desire to have ample space for an English tutoring center, and it wasn’t going to happen in our current one bedroom apartment.  We’re in a great location, very close to the old city, but it’s just not suitable for students or guests!

Second, A’s family will be visiting this fall and we want to make sure that we’re able to host them while they are here.

Third, A loves to cook and share meals with friends and family, so we needed a house with space and  proper kitchen.

Last but not least, M’s play time and opportunities with her BFF have been reduced significantly since school started this year.  It was THE reason why we stayed here in this very building so that  M has a regular playmate right after we moved here over a year ago.

We made a list of priorities as we looked for our new home here in Chiang Mai for at least one more year of rent, or longer.

• Close to M’s friends and school.
• Quiet neighborhood where M has space to play, ride a bike, etc.
• Close to the city so that our potential Burmese students will have easy access to our home, and ample space for computers, tables and a small library of English books.
• Close enough to the city so that we are close to our friends, favorite coffee shop,  fresh markets and eateries.
• Owner who is reasonable to work with.
• At least two bedrooms.
• A little cave for J to geek-out in.
• Air conditioners in the bedrooms. A/Cs on bottom floors (living room/kitchen) are rare.
• Natural light throughout the home (as much as possible!)
• View of the mountain.
• Budget: 12K baht ($400) Rent

 View from the balcony in our future home

Pros:

• Three story, 4+ bedrooms (“+” is J’s Cave), 2 full bathrooms, 3 balconies (woo hoo), large front porch
• Only 6 minutes from M’s school and 10 from the old city
• Quiet neighborhood
• Plenty of space to convert into a English tutoring center and library on the first floor
• View of the mountain from the 3rd floor
• Great natural light into the home
• New air conditioner in M’s room
• Friendly landlord
• Rent:10,000THB ($334/ mo.). $34 more than what we are paying in rent for our one-bedroom apartment.

Cons:

• Needs a new coat of interior paint
• Need to remove wall-paper on first floor
• MB Air conditioner may need replacing (owner is checking now!)
• Partially furnished
• Needs a fridge
• Needs a washing machine
• Needs wardrobe storage
• Needs mattresses (Three mattresses already there, but we’ll just have to see if we want to keep them)
• Needs dining table/chairs
• Needs cooking range top
• Needs new curtains

Some we will buy new and others we will buy second-hand.  We’ll do an update on this later.

Challenges:

• Energy consumption: We’ve seen a lot of houses during our search (~20+ homes)
• Met 3 different agents and also directly with owners
• Location and price were big factors as well as the owner with whom we will be dealing with for a year (or longer)
• We found beautiful homes, fully furnished, lovely/cooperative owners, but either too far from school, friends, or the city
• We also found not so pleasant owners…(see examples)
• One owner preferred to keep their home with no one in it for yet another year rather than reducing 2000b or $60/ month guaranteeing income for a year.  Very strange.
• One brother and wife of the owner met with us for less than 30 minutes and told the owner we were not fit to be their tenant.  The location was perfect, we thought the rent was in our budget, but we felt the owners were not so perfect to deal with after all. (We cannot be 100% certain but a very strong gut feeling tells me that it is because we are Asians! Yes, this happens to us more often than we’d like to admit! It was a real disappointment.)
• Another home had no furnishings, but beautiful space and yard.  It was far but we considered renting anyway. Owner was not only NOT willing to negotiate, but wanted a two year contract.

In general, our experiences with home owners have been positive except the ones above. One owner contacted us and told us she prefers a family like ours in her home.  She got to know us, interviewed us even.  As landlords ourselves back in the US for our town home, we can tell right away that she took good care of her home and wanted someone who will do the same. Another man has a beautiful home with nice furnishings, perfect lay-out for our family.  He repainted and cleaned the house, to get ready for us to come back to take a second look.  However, it was just too far for us.

Our realtor, Nisa, has been very professional and patient with us.  We just gave a 2-mo. deposit yesterday and hope to sign a contract in a week after a walk-through.

Much like our DIY projects in our first home in Texas, we’re a little excited about potential DIY projects in our first home in Chiang Mai as well. We’ve also heard that labor is quite cheap and well we’ll be  creating jobs for some of the Burmese workers.

We will definitely need to record our journey for our family memoirs here on this blog, as there are exciting times ahead with projects, travels, and family visits.

Ah, our M.  She’s into girly things of couse, like tiaras, wearing a tutu (just asked M how to spell ‘tutu,’ and she looked at my funny and replied, “How would I know?”  Love that), etc.  Anyway, I like that she’s well rounded (not literally): enjoys running around, playing sports, singing, dancing, and role playing (you know, like Broadway).

But, one of the things I love most about observing M, is her geekiness.  She won’t acknowledge the label, but her actions say otherwise.  Even back in the states, she learned how to use the Tivo remote nearly instantly as a preschooler.  I recall M teaching her grandparents how to use it, often losing them in the lesson.  She would get frustrated when she used other remotes (say, in a hotel), and can’t pause live TV.  Yup, she’s a geek.

She knows her way around a laptop, YouTube (with supervision of course), my iPod Touch (don’t call it “iTouch”), and my Nokia N8.  She knows how to send texts, and using the turn signal switch on our motorbike.  Oh, she also is able to use our Canon SX200 digital camera, put it on a tripod, and record herself on video (usually a drama, or comedy, starring her stuffed animal pals).  Lastly, when I’m napping, M gets on Photo Booth and makes creative shots.  I haven’t even tried Photo Booth…

M on Photo booth on macbook

She was on Skype with her 9 year old cousin in the states, and M was teaching her how to use the share screen function… Wow.  M also asked me, “Daddy, is there enough internet so I can share my screen?”  ;-)

I like that fact that she has no fear of technology (like all her peers, I’m sure), and picks it up so quickly.  It’s a bit of a tight walk, trying to preach non-consumerism to an 8 year old, yet loving gadgets at the same time.  Seems a bit hypocritical, eh?

Do you have geeky kids?  What kinds of gadgets are they using, or wanting?  Geeky parents (err, Dads) want to know…